Up the stairs, into the fire
Yeah, up the stairs, into the fire
I need you near
But love and duty called you some place higher
Somewhere up the stairs, into the fire

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

Bruce Springsteen “Into the Fire”

In modern history time is broken down in two categories: before 9-11 and after 9-11. Exactly twenty years ago I was working in a printing factory in upstate New York (5:45am as I type). I was likely having a smoke break in the last hour and fifteen minutes left of work. The majority of my coworkers were blue collar white males. Next we had a large black black demographic mostly older Jamaicans and some of them were working two jobs. Now keep in mind this job was a twelve hour shift so I have no idea when they slept. There was also a large Pakistani population as well. Ramadan would complicate things as well since everyone of them would go to lunch at the same time. Mostly we didn’t give a shit about culture just do your fucking job. This is all background though.

I got home around 7:30am and would typically go into an excite dot com chatroom. This was before social media if friendster was a thing it wasn’t mainstream. A woman I’m chatting with says “It looks like a plane hit the World Trade Center” First stage I’m in denial and I think its a little Sesna plane. Then she says she’s got to go after she tells me a second plane hit. I log off and would never converse with her again. I go out to the living room and turn on the big box TV and sit in the recliner. In the other room, next to the television blaring the news report was a Pakistani couple that lived in my foster parents house. I had recently moved back home.

When I was living in Albany New York working at a coffee shop at the Airport and mall I would call home once a week. My foster mom would talk to this man struggle at the local gas station and I shit you not they told me she “got a sign from God” and decided to take him in and later his wife that moved here. I would relay this quote to the FBI when I was questioned.

So the Pakistani couple and I watched the horror on the news together. I know twenty years later its politically incorrect to say I was suspicious of them but I want to be honest. I was studying their reaction and they were just a horrified as me. I know in hindsight its on par with my Italian ancestors being looked at with suspicion based on anarchists and mobsters. Eventually I’d have to go to sleep and seeing the horror of people choosing between jumping to their death or burning to death. A choice no one should have to make. I’d watch the towers collapse. These towers I’d see every trip to NYC as the first clue you’re close in the skyline. I’d see the pentagon get hit but it was a blur. I had to be at work 7 pm so I went to sleep. Work would be intense in the environment I explained earlier. Sure the supervisors immediately talked about harassment policies and how it wouldn’t be tolerated. I stayed quite. But you can sense the rage in some of the people I worked with and fear in the others. I listened mostly knowing nothing about that side of the world. I remember a guy from California talking to me about US foreign policy but adding the caveat “this doesn’t justify it but…”

Our New York Times TV guides would have a white powder sprinkled on it to set the ink (I think that’s why) then the anthrax scare occurred. Someone joked in the break room, “I guess I won’t be receiving my cocaine in the mail anymore.” It was the first joke I heard in a month. So obviously no more powder. A recently married friend had invited many of us over for a Saturday Night Live party the second week it was back on. Sean William Scott was the host this had the sketch of Will Ferrell in American flag speedos in an office setting to show his patriotism. We started to laugh again and talk to our friends and neighbors. However I watched on the news as the drum beats for war began.

Meanwhile at home my foster father would tell our guests they are family to us but its in their best interest to leave maybe to Canada for their safety. Someone called the police on them I don’t know why but I was sitting on the recliner vegging out when they walk in quiet sad and depressed following by the State police, and multiple men in suits from the INS and FBI. I was questioned and told them what I knew included the fact that my foster mom a strict Catholic “got a sign from God”. The man would be detained without any legal rights since neither were citizens. His wife would be allowed to continue to live with us until things were dealt figured out. The basic rule according to custom I was not allowed in the same room as her if we were the only ones in the house and we worked around this since I slept during the day. Now further backstory. They were trying to have a baby for a while unsuccessfully. Luckily after he was released and they moved to Canada she would have her first child. My foster parents would maintain correspondence. It would take two days for an email to reach us which made us feel they being analyzed by people in government. We also would hear an occasional clicking sound in the phone but none of us were concerned. Anyhow the couple would build a family immediately after detainment and last I heard would doing good.

Nine eleven was the impossible happening. And no, random Facebook post I have not forgotten, I haven’t forgotten the fear, anger, and grief that traumatized a nation and much of the world. I haven’t forgot how we were manipulated into a war with countries that didn’t attack us when we were most vulnerable. I will never forget how our politicians ignored the first responders as their medical bills were piling up from breathing in the toxic air of ground zero as they worked tirelessly. No I won’t forget but I won’t used the event as an excuse to hate and reason to smear Muslims in our government and community. I won’t cheer on a war because someone used World Trade Center imagery to propagandize it. What we learned that day more than any other day is that tomorrow is not guaranteed and you have to live life know it could be your last.